Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
