dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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