his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
