my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
