I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
