definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
