i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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