I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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