Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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