The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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