i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
