I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
