I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
