We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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