this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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