Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He shit in the fireplace
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