Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
