He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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