Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
