I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you had me at cake vodka
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
