How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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