fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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