No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize