I just saw a hot homeless man
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
