Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
