i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
