She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well I just put wine in my tea
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
