I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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