I think I died a long time ago.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I fill condoms, not promises.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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