we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
