Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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