The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
