nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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