Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
