The maid of honor just puked.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
