Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
