I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
