So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
