Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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