i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
