Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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