I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
