i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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