What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
