Small penises have feelings too.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize