im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
