dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
