You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
