i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
