I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
