Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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