In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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