guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
bring money and cleavage
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
