i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
