At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
