did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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