Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
