How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
