I hate your face
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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