i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
