smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize