woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who died my cat blue again?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
