I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
