Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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