this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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