I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
