The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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