just come out here and I will go home with you...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
