Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
